He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
