There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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