so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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