So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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