she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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