K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
