it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
