3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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