if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
