New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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