R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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