Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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