Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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