don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
