i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
