oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
