Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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