Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
