I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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