I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
