you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
