he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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