I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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