these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
