once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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