i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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