i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
