you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
