You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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