eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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