i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
