I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
