I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
