I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
