At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
