Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
