I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
