Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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