I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
