smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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