I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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