WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
