I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
