The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
