I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
