I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
