I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
P.S. I can't hear my feet
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
