my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
