took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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