Will you blow on my dice?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
