So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Randomize
