just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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